June 2009
71 posts
The first comedy song I ever wrote....
Anal fisting in the name of Jesus Christ. (WTF?) →
Masturbation in Christ (omg, please read this) →
“Please help support un-married, autistic, gay people in Iran who need medicinal...”
I just got molested
Whitney Houston FAIL
Tile Bits (a short essay on life)
The knowledge (created energy) can allow a certain character of manifested intention to come forth. This character is a derivative force known as the mounted lilly factory. The mounted lilly factory spews forth amazing barrels of essence and fragrance to be the most liberated facility known to man, it truly is amazing!
Take your grandparents to the lilly factory to give them the same kind of...
WatchNY comedian Kristen Shaal supposedly just got a TV pilot green lighted in the UK. THIS IS EPIC-HILLARITY PEOPLE.
“Sometimes I wish I was a douche, who didn’t know I was a douche. Just...”
“Please prank my friend Jeff. You won’t get in trouble. Say anything you...”
Was Ray Charles actually retarded?
“Infinite wisdom from my father about digestive health: “yeah pretzels help...”
The new rick roll →
Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo. →
Flight attendant has words with me;
Flight Attendant: "sir, do you understand that you're sitting in an exit door seat"
Me: "yes"
Flight Attendant: "do you understand what that means?"
Me: "yes, I'm an expert. I've been in plenty of plane crashes. I'm always the guy who opens the door"
Flight Attendant: "sir, are you willing to comply?"
Me: "yes, I've seen every episode of lost. I'm a big fan of your work"
(laughter from nearby passengers)
Flight Attendant: "sir, that's not reality. Are you willing to comply?"
Me: I look at her as if we both are in on a secret, and say, "I am willing to comply."
“What did you say you JERK? You said, FREE PIZZA? I’ll give you some free...”
“Siemens is a funny name for a company.”
Dude rapes his ex-girlfriend just "as a joke" to... →
“If I don’t lose weight soon, I may have to file for obesity.”
